First ever fight between two human beings that has been recorded is that of Adam's sons. But a probing into the matter leads us to the conclusion that it was a fight due to human weakness i.e. to have higher status over the other. Since then, human history is full of atrocities. It has been utmost effort to create good friendship with one's contemporaries. Now I come to the characteristics which must be possessed by one to be or to make a good friend.
What kind of person should be a good friend? In other words, whom may we say a good friend? The answer is a bit shocking for those thinking about a traditional figure. In fact 'a good friend' is a relative term. A friend who is good for me, may not be good for some other. On the other hand, I may not like one who is liked by others. It leads us to the conclusion that we may not agree upon the qualities which must be possessed by a person deserving to be called a good one. We get the point here, that the task of determining a good friend is not so easy. Now I will try to mention qualities not common to most of friends but specific to a certain person whom I may call 'a good friend'.
The first quality of a good friend is that he must have sincerity. He must be same from within and outside. He must mean what he says. We must know what he thinks and what he feels. Otherwise we may not trust on him so much as to tell him our secrets. He must not have a mask on his smiling face. He should not be a hypocrite. In his company, we must not feel on ceremony. On detecting any faults in us, he may not feel awkward or embarrassed. Instead he must own us in spite of all our shortcomings. He must have such a deep association with us that we do not hide our faults from him. We may feel safe even though he is aware of our shortcomings. We may open our heart fully before him. We may experience a kind of gaiety in each other's company.
Another quality of a good friend is that he must have sympathy for us. He should try his best for our physical welfare and mental bliss. Even he must be ready to sacrifice everything to compose and console us. It is a mutual sharing of trust from both the sides. Here one gives and never expects for any reward or appreciation in return.
There may be some misunderstanding among friends. But any kind of misunderstanding is removed through frank discussion. Though good friends might quarrel quite often, these quarrels are never affecting the nature of their true friendship. A painful situation may also lead to some kind of pleasure. They end in generosity, not in ruining faith in a friend's integrity.
In human life, we often happen to borrow from others. In such cases, if we borrow from a friend, we do not feel embarrassed thinking whence to pay back the loan. He does not ride on our limbs to get back his money. But it does not permit us to be loose in paying back our loans.
A good friend must have spiritual harmony with us. He must not feel bored in our company whether we are silent or shouting. Even he becomes a source of joy for us. So happiness lies in being together, not necessarily physically but mentally. A good friend, I can say, is a gift from heaven.
To conclude, I must say that if we wish for a good friend bearing the qualities mentioned above, first of all, we must develop these qualities in us. After that we should seek them in one whom we are looking for. We may apply these qualities to individuals as well as to groups and nations.
Nasir Ur Rehman
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6064059
5 comments:
Thank you for posting such a positive post and sharing your thoughts. You are an inspiration and I know your posts are change in action thank you for caring and encouraging quality from within and in our world.
You have painted the picture of an Ideal good friend...while I was reading I had the feeling you seem to want a perfect world of friendship. But my feeling is if we get the perfection on both parties I mean in ourselves and friends we might conflict more often in our expectations. I see in every relationship an imperfection that needs complementary assistance from each other. I think if we are good just like everyone then we will not need anyone...you post coincides with a strong thought that occurred to me this week so T stated on my blog a moment a go... “It is easier to have someone reason like you but impossible to have someone feel like you…because there is no reasoning in feelings and feelings can’t reason…”thus in friendship reason and feelings guide the selection process. Whether good or bad sometimes we have a good reason to be in a bad friendship in other cases we have a bad reason to quite a good relationship.
I do agree with you it is complicated and good is relative. What I advocate is put in more to get more and you rightly said we have to be good before we look out for good. I wouldn't it be more fulfilling and interesting if someone made you move from a bad friend to a good friend or even best friend? For someone who wants only good friends and likes making friends would be stuck in solitude because we have only "a few good men"...I have known situations where people fight over a friend because it is the only one they have and it has nothing to do with romance.
We just have to strive to have a healthy friendship when we can and it is only by creating the enabling conditions that defines what both parties would recognize as happy and functional otherwise it will be a herculean task to work on the basis of good friendship only besides experience has shown the hardest change we can bring about in the world is changing oneself…we need others to help the change we desire
I am a woman; all I would want in a female friend is A)don't try to flirt with my husband in front of me B)don't ignore my emails for years and then suddenly call me when you need something and C)don't purposefully avoid me when I'm depressed.
I guess all I look for in a friend is someone who takes me into account.
Thanks for posting~
Very nice post.
I like what you said...paraphrasing...to get a good friend, one needs to be a good friend.
I suppose there is nothing as a perfect friendship. I have friends whom I've not talked to for years and then when we meet we picked up where we left off and it still works out great.
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